Banging Or Banging
by ADisgraceFF
Summary: Castiel and Lysander pretend to have sex to annoy Nathaniel. Well, only Castiel sets out with that goal, and it goes a little beyond pretending but not quite as far as the real thing.


It's a small gathering, not the sort of thing you might expect of a housewarming party to celebrate a new found independence. There's music, but it's left at a level that won't disturb the neighbours. The drink flows, but the guests are aware of their limits and nobody gets too rowdy. Nathaniel plays the perfect host, topping up drinks and making conversation, putting his new carefree self on show. All in all, it's an enjoyable, if uneventful affair.

The guests filter out over the course of the night, one by one until there's no one left but Lysander, who's deep in conversation with Nathaniel concerning a possible return to drumming, and Castiel who's sat off to the side of them, bored out of his skull.

Nathaniel is certain whether or not he'd like to re-explore that hobby, sure he enjoyed it for that short time, but a drum set seems out of his budget. Besides, his practicing would annoy the couple in the apartment next door. But he had so much fun. Nathaniel supposes it's something he'll have to think about.

The cat prods over from her spot and curls in and around Castiel's legs, looking for attention. Her tail wraps around his shin and Castiel leaps up. "Look, it's getting late, we're gonna head home." Castiel says, his tone less than amicable.

Lysander checks his watch and finds that time has slipped past them, it's like dusk has turned to dawn all in the span of a single moment. "The last bus departs in ten minutes, if we hurry we should still be able to make it in time."

Wordlessly, Castiel motions to fetch their coats but Nathaniel cuts that objective short. "Or you could both stay here tonight."

"Are you sure ?" Lysander begins, checking that he's not pushing the limits of Nathaniel's hospitality, "I wouldn't want to impose on you."

"Yeah Lys, let's not impose on him, c'mon." Castiel says, tilting his head towards the door.

"Really, it's not a problem," Nathaniel casts his gaze over Castiel, "The spare room is due its first guest."

To Castiel's horror, Lysander accepts Nathaniel's offer and Castiel thinks to himself that if his looks could kill, he'd be the only man in the room still breathing.

As a gesture to show their gratitude, Lysander thinks it only right for them to help with the clean up. He gathers empty cans and plastic cups and disposes of them in a black plastic bin liner that Castiel follows him along with, grumbling all the while. Castiel makes no effort to hold back and is more than willing to mention that he'd prefer to be in his own home, in his own bed. Each time he looks up at the clock he's aware that his window to make the bus is closing in, the last time he looks he realises it's gone and he's stuck in Nathaniel's for a night. The ticking hands remind him that he'll have to set an early alarm so he can get home and feed Demon in the morning, which only fuels his annoyance all the more.

Once they've finished cleaning and the waste is disposed of, Castiel insists on going to bed before Nathaniel can try to rope Lysander into conversation.

"Did you see how he looked at me ? He's just trying to piss me off," Castiel pulls off his jacket and flings it onto the bedroom floor, "He only offered to let us stay because he knew you'd say yes and I wouldn't want to."

"I doubt that, I'm sure he was just being polite." Lysander removes Castiel's jacket from the floor and places it on a chair in the corner of the room, alongside his own clothes. He climbs into bed beside Castiel, dressed only in an undershirt and boxers. Castiel too, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and boxers himself.

"Look, Nathaniel's ridiculously passive aggressive. He tries to rile me up, but he never gets the blame and I do instead because I'm more..." Castiel struggles to find the words.

"Aggressive in the traditional sense ?" Lysander offers, a small smile creeping into the corners of his cheeks.

Castiel reaches behind him, ready to throw a pillow playfully at Lysander, but stops halfway, deciding he shouldn't prove his point for him. Instead he grabs his phone from the bedside locker and sets his alarm.

Lysander falls asleep quickly, or at least enters a state of only partial awareness, but Castiel can't seem to switch his brain off. Try as he might, he can't shake his annoyance. He doesn't want to be there and his sleep pattern is unwilling to adjust to the change of scenery, so he lies in bed, damning Nathaniel for placing him in this situation.

"Hey, are you still awake ?" he says in a hushed tone, trying to get Lysander's attention.

Lysander makes a noise, mostly out of confusion, and Castiel takes it as a cue to switch on the bedside lamp and begin conversation. "Listen Lys," Castiel says, as Lysander tries to adjust to the light, "I can't sleep."

Lysander rubs at his eyes, the dancing spots in his vision finally fading. "So I see."

From there Castiel details his petty revenge, his attempt to get back at Nathaniel. If he can't sleep, he won't allow Nathaniel to either. At first Lysander thinks he's joking, but soon comes to see that he's gone mad from the sleep deprivation. Taking his ideas straight out of a teen comedy, Castiel plans for him and Lysander to bang on the walls to make Nathaniel think they're, well, banging.

Lysander makes it known that he thinks the plan is ridiculous and is adamant in his refusal to participate in it, but Castiel starts off fine without him and begins rocking back and forth on his knees, making the bed squeak.

"Moan or breathe heavy or something, Lys. Make it sound real." Castiel says, encouraging participation. He throws a slap against the wall behind him for added effect.

"I absolutely will not." Lysander sounds as though he's offended, even as he's trying to keep his voice low.

Castiel finally throws that pillow at Lysander, earning that 'oomph' sound he'd been after.

"Good, keep it up just like that."

**Written for the prompt "how about Cas x Lys and pranks ?"**

* * *

"Castiel stop," Lysander is clear in his disapproval as he reaches out to steady Castiel, preventing any hip motion, and thus any squeaking, "Nathaniel has been more than good to us, letting us stay the night. We shouldn't betray his kindness."

Castiel clicks his tongue. "Pfft, he knows we're dating, he won't mind too much, it'll just ruffle his feathers a bit."

Lysander looks at him so disapprovingly, Castiel feels the need to lower himself to pleading. "C'mon Lys, get in on the joke. I don't want to fake fuck you without your permission."

There's a wink and at that Lysander reddens. Even in the dim lighting, Castiel sees the blush rising in Lysander's cheeks and grins to himself. "Or would you prefer something real."

From there, Castiel leans towards Lysander and their lips meet. Lysander doesn't pull away. Lysander's heart thunders in his chest and each time Castiel moves from his mouth, placing his lips and teeth nearer to the neck, he feels his breathing come heavy and ragged. He tries in vain to keep it quiet, even if he knows it's the opposite of what Castiel has in mind. The mattress creaks all the more as Castiel positions himself over Lysander, with one leg on either side of his torso.

Castiel runs a finger along Lysander's hip bone and that's when Lysander decides they're going too far. "You're a terrible influence on me." Lysander wipes his mouth and props himself up in bed, leaving Castiel now eye level with his chest.

"So you're saying you can't control yourself around me, right ?" There's a mischievous glint in Castiel's eye, one that makes Lysander wish there was nobody on the other side of the wall.

Before Lysander can reply or before Castiel can concoct anymore ridiculous schemes, another voice enters the picture. "Oh my god, sorry. I thought you two were just kidding around," Nathaniel speaks from behind his hands, trying to shield himself from the sights in his guest room, "I only came in because I thought you were playing a joke, sorry." He leaves quickly, slamming the door behind him.

Lysander slinks down in the bed, burying both of them beneath the covers, while Castiel erupts in laughter. They'll have much to explain away and apologise for in the morning.


End file.
